Tag: gratitude

Breastfeeding Challenges, Round Two

Breastfeeding Challenges, Round Two

Disclosure: One of the links below is an affiliate link, meaning that, at no additional cost to you, I earn a commission when you click through and make a purchase. I use this product myself on a daily basis. Thanks for supporting the brands that support this blog.

For those familiar with Our Breastfeeding Journey, you already know that we experienced some challenges breastfeeding with our first son Peanut. It began due to his tiny size at birth (only 4 lbs 11 oz) and a very severe tongue tie. To provide breastmilk for him, I pumped from day one and during his growth spurts we had to supplement. He was able to finally nurse on his own by thirteen weeks old, though I continued to primarily pump because I was working full time. I was able to provide breastmilk until my supply dried up on its own at ten months, right around when we conceived our second son.

Our adorable son, Pickle, is now two months old!

I wish I could tell you that this time our breastfeeding journey was easier, but in some ways it was even harder. The first week and half went great. Pickle latched and nursed right away, and his latch was good. Yet when he was a week and half, we started noticing that he would spend 45 minutes on just one breast, fall asleep often during nursing, and would cry hysterically when awake as if he was still hungry. At our two week appointment, we discovered Pickle had not gained any weight. He was born 6 lbs 10 oz, but at two weeks old was 6 lbs 3 oz. The pediatrician was concerned because he had not even regained his birth weight.

We had to start formula feeding right away, and the pediatrician wanted to see him in two days. Two days later, he was 6 lbs 13 oz. We were relieved!

But I was also devastated… again.

Because Pickle latched and we thought he was nursing well, I had allowed myself to believe that this time I would be able to breastfeed and would only need to pump to build a freezer stash for when I returned to work. Unfortunately, Pickle was not draining the milk. This caused two problems: he was not getting the fatty milk to gain weight and my body was getting the signal to make less milk because there was “extra” being left. At two weeks, when I started pumping regularly, I barely was getting 2 oz a session. My supply was almost non-existent!

Baby Pickle at one month old.
Our adorable little Pickle at one month old.

I tried every trick in the book to increase my supply. I pumped long, I pumped frequently, I drank herbal teas, I drank tons of water, I ate foods with oats (and I absolutely detest oatmeal, but I forced myself to start eating it), I even began taking fenugreek tablets and adding milk thistle to some juice. Exhausted and sore, I was still barely getting 2 oz a session. Then I started getting dizzy spells and, after researching, discovered I must be one of the very rare individuals who experience side effects when taking fenugreek. I stopped taking it.

With Pickle not even a month old, I broke down and nearly gave up completely. At this time, Pickle was 90% formula fed and I was pumping so little milk that I came very close to just quitting. Was this torture worth it? Nothing I was doing seemed to be making a difference, and pumping takes so much time and was painful.

You might be thinking: “Why don’t you just let the baby nurse? If he is hungry enough, he’ll figure it out.” When we were forced to introduce bottles, Pickle completely refused to nurse again. I tried many, many, many times, but he completely stopped nursing. Putting him to breast only resulted in him shaking his head from side to side violently and crying hysterically. It was heartbreaking. For my own sake, I had to stop pushing.

In addition to the stress of a low milk supply and him not wanting to nurse anymore, Pickle was not an easy going newborn. He refused to sleep at night and often cried unconsolably for long periods of time. Usually these crying sessions were between 8pm and 1am! And when he did finally fall asleep, he would sleep for only an hour or hour and a half. At the same time, our older son Peanut started getting his molars and was also not sleeping well. There were many days where I barely managed to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep… and not in one nice deep sleep. Oh, no. It was ten minutes here, twenty minutes there, etc.

Due to the lack of sleep, the stress of an unconsolable newborn, hardly producing any milk, a teething toddler, and a few other stressors, I was quickly spiraling towards postpartum depression. But more on that in a future post!

We managed to push through with many tears thanks to the prayers of our family and closest friends and also a shipment of breastmilk from Bradley’s cousin-in-law, whose own baby is a few months older than Pickle. He still needed a little supplementing with soy formula at night, but her generosity ensured that Pickle was getting the benefits of some breastmilk during the crucial early weeks when I was hardly making any at all. Since then, we have gotten a second shipment. We are so grateful!

Then I found a method of pumping that replicates a baby’s cluster feeding before and during a growth spurt and encourages the body to produce more milk. I also ate lots of oats every day in the form of Nature’s Path Gluten-free Oatmeal, General Mills Cheerios, and a new probiotic almond/cashew milk with oats by Silk. (Mind you, oats and I have a love-hate relationship. I have to eat them for milk production, but oats cause me considerable digestive discomfort.) Very slowly, day by day, half an ounce here and there, my supply began to increase.

Pickle at two months. Photo by Jacquelyn.
Pickle at two months old! He tends to be a very serious-looking baby.

At almost nine weeks, I am now pumping 19-20 oz a day on average, though I am still trying to get more since Pickle is eating 35+ oz each day now. At a little over two months old, Pickle eats everything I pump, about 8-10 oz of frozen milk from our cousin-in-law, and 5-10 oz of soy formula a day. During growth spurts, he gets more formula. My prayer and goal is to continue pumping whatever I can until he is ten months old (the same age Peanut was when he weaned), but we just have to take it one day at a time.

So it seems that pumping — as tiring, frustrating, and sometimes painful as it is — is our normal.

Being completely honest, there are times when I want to just throw in the towel altogether. Pumping is not fun, it is time consuming, and it is not convenient.

First, you need to buy a heavy duty double electric pump if you don’t already have one. I personally use Medela’s Pump-in-Style (Tote) but there are many other pumps on the market. You lose precious sleep to pump during the night, and during the day you have to plan every little task and activity around your pumping schedule. Need to run an errand? I have to pump right before leaving and right when we get back or I have to pack up the big double electric pump and find 15 minutes to hide in a bathroom to pump for 15 minutes. Delaying or missing a pumping session immediately affects my milk supply, which means I have to pump twice as long the next time to compensate or risk a blocked milk duct and engorgement. (This is extremely painful!)

So… Yeah. I, unfortunately, am one of those women who has to pump if I want my babies to get any of my milk. I just have to remind myself that it is ok and every little bit helps.

Mind you, this is not an anti-formula post. Pickle gets at least one 5 oz bottle of formula a day, sometimes two during growth spurts. I understand even better now the very valid reasons why some women must or choose to formula feed their babies. Not every woman can produce enough milk on their own, or perhaps they have to return to work at three or six weeks, or maybe their workplace is not accommodating for pumping moms. Some women dislike breastfeeding, it can be painful or emotionally challenging for them.

What I am saying is that all reasons are valid reasons and you are a wonderful mother no matter what path your journey takes. You need to do what is right for you and your baby.

For me, I always wanted to breastfeed so not being able to do so with both of my children is disappointing. A dream has been completely shattered and it takes time to sort through the pieces. What truly matters, though, is that the children are well-fed and well loved. Breastfeeding challenges are not talked about often in our society, but they are actually fairly common around the world! I decided to share the details of our personal struggles to let other women who may also be experiencing challenges know that you are not alone, it is ok whatever route you take to feed your baby, and you are an amazing mother.

Our Breastfeeding Journey

His Encouragement: Philippians 4:19

His Encouragement: Philippians 4:19

A warm welcome, dearest friends, to His Encouragement: Biblical Inspiration for Your Thursday. Every Thursday, a small group of bloggers will each bring you a Bible verse and a little discussion filled with hope and encouragement. We welcome you to join the conversation by commenting with your daily verse as well.

We pray that these Thursday posts help you end your week strong in God’s love and purpose for you. God bless!

Today’s Thursday Encouragement

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:19, ESV

Last week, I confessed to struggling with turning my burdens and worries over to the Lord during times of high stress. I would venture to say that a lot of us wrestle with the inclination to try to do it all ourselves, forgetting that we need to surrender it all to our Lord.

Well, when the circumstances of life seem especially difficult, it often happens that our focus begins to shift. That narrowed concentration on the negatives will influence our attitude, our behavior, and even our normal thinking patterns until we only see the rain clouds.

We may even start to exaggerate our circumstances by using broad-sweeping generalizations, harboring thoughts like “Everything is going wrong right now.” or “I cannot do anything right!” or “I can never…” or “Why me? Why now?”

We are like Peter, who began to sink beneath the waves when he removed his eyes from Jesus. He was filled with terror at the sight of the wind and waves all around him. Why? Because he had allowed his focus, though not consciously, to be drawn away from what was most important: the Lord. He desperately cried out: “Lord, save me!” And Jesus, in His love and mercy, did just that with a very gentle rebuke: “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (See Matthew 14:19-31.)

Why did you doubt? This is what Jesus asks you and I today. Why do I doubt that the Lord has my life and situation under control? Why do I take so long before asking the Lord for His help and guidance? Why do I try to fix things on my own? Why do I continually treat prayer as a last resort instead of the first (and only) option?

No matter what circumstances you are facing, what worries are bogging you down, or how overwhelmed you may be feeling, today’s verse is gentle reminder that we need to keep our focus on the Lord. Even in the midst of the biggest, darkest storms of life, our Lord is right there with us.

We need to know that “…God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Instead of focusing on the wind and waves battering your life, focus on the blessings He has given to you, whether big or small.

When I begin to really stress out, the Lord often brings to my mind a song that Bing Cosby sang in the old movie White Christmas (1954) called “Count Your Blessings.” (Listen to it.) The simple words of this song are very humbling and remind me to count my blessings, giving thanks to the Lord for each and every one.

When I am thanking the Lord for every blessing, I realize how many more blessings there are in my life than trials. The wind dies down, the waves calm, and the rain clouds dissipate.

Now it is your turn! What Bible verse is getting you through your day today?

 

Be sure to also visit my fellow bloggers and read their encouragement for your Thursday:

Week of Gratitude: Day 7

Week of Gratitude: Day 7

Week of Gratitude – Day 7

I am grateful for the weekly Sabbath. The Sabbath is a special time set aside by the Lord Himself at the end of Creation week as a sacred day of rest. It includes physical rest from our usual daily duties, but even more importantly, it offers a spiritual rest. A full twenty-four hour period, from sunset to sunset, to spend in time with the Lord in worship, prayer, study, and fellowship with family and friends. Discovering the Sabbath in 2002 completely transformed my life, and now I eagerly look forward to Sabbath each week. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God.” Exodus 20:8-10a

Week of Gratitude: Day 6

Week of Gratitude: Day 6

Week of Gratitude – Day 6

I am grateful for the every day blessings and those precious life moments that are too easily overlooked and forgotten. We have no need for fancy or elaborate things. The Lord has provided for us everything that we need — a roof over our head, food in our bellies, and jobs to pay the bills. We are very blessed. “…I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” Philippians 4:11

After all, what is most important is not the material things, buying and collecting stuff that cannot bring happiness, but relationships, love and kindness. For these things and all things, we thank the Lord and give Him praise.

Week of Gratitude: Day 5

Week of Gratitude: Day 5

I hope everyone has had a nice Thanksgiving! Today is all about giving thanks, and we’re now over halfway through the Week of Gratitude! I’m slipping today’s in a little before midnight.

Week of Gratitude – Day 5

I am grateful for my wonderful and loving husband Bradley. You are the love of my life, and I am so blessed to be able to enjoy each day with you. You are a fantastic father and my best friend. I am so thankful that the Lord brought us together. I love you always and forever.

Week of Gratitude: Day 4

Week of Gratitude: Day 4

Week of Gratitude – Day 4

I am grateful for the privilege of being the mother of our precious Peanut. He is three months old now, and I love him so much! He is interacting a lot more and making all sorts of sounds. I am enjoying these precious moments with him and being present in the little every day things — the cute and the messy. I look forward to watching him, day by day, grow. His toothless grin is the most adorable thing to see, and he has been “talking” to me since he woke up this morning.

Week of Gratitude: Day 3

Week of Gratitude: Day 3

Week of Gratitude – Day 3

I am grateful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. To believe in a Creator God who not only made the world but continues to love and care for His creation brings me peace and comfort. He is also a God of justice and mercy; He risked everything to take the consequences of our sin on Himself in order to offer redemption to fallen humanity, and one day, when sin has run its course and revealed the ugly truth that the enemy had lied about God’s character, He will come to rescue the good, punish the evil, and remove sin from the universe forever. And there will be “no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain.” Revelation 21:4

Week of Gratitude: Day 2

Week of Gratitude: Day 2

I’m continuing this special Week of Gratitude today. What are you thankful for?

Week of Gratitude – Day 2

I am grateful for the freedom of conscience — to be able to believe as we wish and follow our conscience without fear, persecution, or coercion. There are many places around the globe where this freedom has been stripped away and belief in a particular ideology or religion is mandated by laws and enforced. While our nation has its struggles and the future is uncertain, at least for now, our freedom of conscience is still protected.

Week of Gratitude: Day 1

Week of Gratitude: Day 1

This week of Thanksgiving, I want to try something a little different. Each day I am going to share something that I am thankful for.

Week of Gratitude – Day 1

I am grateful for family. Whether close or far, Bradley and I have a wonderful family filled with kind, loving, wonderful people. From parents and siblings to grant-parents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and more… we are very blessed! Yesterday was Peanut’s dedication to the Lord, and I was filled with thankfulness that he will grow up in such a large, loving family.